This is a controversial topic among many couples. While some believe that Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to show their significant other just how much they love them, others believe, it’s just another day…. why not show love all year around?
For years, we butted heads on this topic because our opinion differed on the subject. One demanded to go out of the way to make extravagant plans and the other personally preferred to show love all year around, at any given time, just because. As the wife, I felt less than a women and simply wasn’t worth all the flowers, expensive dinner dates, gifts that all my friends received, so I could not understand why I lacked the same treatment from my husband. The resentment ran deep to the point that my expectations became less but I still felt some kind of way about it... I began to resent him for not showing me extra love on this one day because ultimately, I felt like I deserved it.
As the husband, I was never caught up in the hype behind what society says this day is supposed to mean. Instead, I chose to show her love unexpectedly, at any given time, just because. This wasn’t good enough. I believe she wanted to get the accolades from her friends, she wanted to show others that her husband really does love her because he did something for her on Valentine ’s Day and here are the receipts to prove it. I didn’t want to show my love in that way nor did I want to go broke by paying three times as much for dinners and extravagant vacations for one day. How do we compromise with these difference of opinions and how do I keep her from dreading this day every year or having this issue cause turmoil every year in our marriage?
It’s simple: What does the bible say about love? We all come from different backgrounds, received gifts differently and sometimes have different beliefs on the way we celebrate. While, the simple solution on the outside looking in may be that one of us give in, that wasn’t the true feeling in our hearts nor is it God’s definition of true love.
As a married couple, we learned that love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth (1Corrinthiasn 13:4-6). There is no compromise when it comes to the word of God. While, we insert our own views and beliefs as validation for feeling a certain way about this topic, if it does not align with the word of God, then you are compromising your belief, you are doubting God’s word! So it was settled. God’s word is final and we must treat this day as such. So for us, Valentine’s Day is a reminder that love is the gift that keeps on giving and should be shown all year around. The creativity used in stepping outside of our comfort zones for this one day, should be the same creativity we insert in our relationships, all year long.
So we challenge you to think of unique, creative ways to show love all year around.
Here are few ideas to get you started:
An evening of alternate personalities. Become someone else by using a different name and background story. Create a date that is someplace you have never been or at least something that the two of you have never done together. OWN the new personality, have fun and allow yourself the chance to experience a side of you and a side of your spouse that is new. Please keep in mind that you are not becoming something that you think your spouse wants but rather something you were afraid to share in your marriage. Be spontaneous, funny, and seductive or whatever you want in LOVE! -Haener Elie
Make an appointment with a sculpture business where you and your spouse are the work of art! It will be a constant reminder of the vows I made to God and my husband. It also reminds me of the oneness and bond we share. The gold color just speaks volumes!! The Gold color represents the illumination, love, compassion, courage, passion and wisdom God has on our marriage! –Desiree Williams-Hall
Next Month’s Topic will be.. When Divorce is not an option!